Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2014 22:33:18 GMT -5
Yikes, I can't believe we're staring at another season of the Muschamp Gators.
What. The. Fuck. Happened?!?
So, we're all going to need help getting through the season. Medical help, that is. Here is Dr SD's prescription to get through the season.
Feel free to add to the list, as the medication for Muschamp Derangement Syndrome has memory loss as a side effect.
1. Every time a starter is injured in practice, drink a shot.
2. If that starter was only a starter because the last starter was injured in practice, drink two more shots.
2a. Every time there is a fight between our own team members, drink a shot.
2b. If that fight ends with a starter being injured, drink 5 shots.
3. Every time Muschamp gets a vote of confidence from Foley, drink a shot.
3a. Every time Foley has to beg people to buy tickets, drink 3 shots.
4. Every loss, drink a shot.
5. Every loss that doesn't end with Muschamp being fired, drink the whole bottle.
6. If that loss was to a Div 2a team, drink another bottle.
7. If the AD of the University of Tennessee gives Muschamp a vote of confidence, drink 3 shots.
8. If the AD of the University of Georgia gives Muschamp a vote of confidence, drink 4 shots.
9. Fuck it, drink another shot. You need it.
10. Every time there is another picture of our linemen blocking another person on our team, drink a shot.
11. Every offensive penalty in the red zone, drink a shot.
12. Every time we get to Third and 30+ because of penalties, drink 3 shots.
13. Every time Muschamp is shown on TV yelling at a ref, drink a shot.
14. Drink a bonus shot if he looks like the average Florida football fan while yelling at the ref.... A poor, crazed, bug-eyed, red-faced dude who is massively pissed off at what is happening to his football team.
15. Every time a player gets arrested, drink.
15a. If that arrest was for drugs or guns, drink some more.
15b. If that attest was for domestic battery, stop drinking, at least for a few days. That shit is serious.
16. Every time a coach leaves, drink.
17. If that coach left with no other job offer, drink some more.
18. Every time a recruit backs out of his commitment, drink.
19. If he went to another SEC school, drink some more.
20. If he went to FSU or Miami, drink again.
21. Every time a player transfers, drink.
22. Drink some more.
23. Crap, you are still able to read this? You obviously need a drink!!
24. Goto number 23. Nerd.
25. Drink a shot for every extra DB we recruit.
26. Drink a shot for every skill position we are short on because of all the extra DB's
27. Drink a shot for every 5 star player that rides the pine
27a. Drink another shot if that player is a receiver.
27b. Drink another shot if we convert that receiver to DB.
28. Drink a shot for every 3 star and below kid we recruit. Drink an extra shot for every star below three a recruit has.
28a. Sorry for the math this far down the list, just drink 5 shots per recruit and call it done.
29. Chug a bottle for every 3 star or below who backs out of his commitment.
30. Drink one for poor Tim Tebow who has to cover this dumpster fire as a rookie TV...person? Whatever he is.
What. The. Fuck. Happened?!?
So, we're all going to need help getting through the season. Medical help, that is. Here is Dr SD's prescription to get through the season.
Feel free to add to the list, as the medication for Muschamp Derangement Syndrome has memory loss as a side effect.
1. Every time a starter is injured in practice, drink a shot.
2. If that starter was only a starter because the last starter was injured in practice, drink two more shots.
2a. Every time there is a fight between our own team members, drink a shot.
2b. If that fight ends with a starter being injured, drink 5 shots.
3. Every time Muschamp gets a vote of confidence from Foley, drink a shot.
3a. Every time Foley has to beg people to buy tickets, drink 3 shots.
4. Every loss, drink a shot.
5. Every loss that doesn't end with Muschamp being fired, drink the whole bottle.
6. If that loss was to a Div 2a team, drink another bottle.
7. If the AD of the University of Tennessee gives Muschamp a vote of confidence, drink 3 shots.
8. If the AD of the University of Georgia gives Muschamp a vote of confidence, drink 4 shots.
9. Fuck it, drink another shot. You need it.
10. Every time there is another picture of our linemen blocking another person on our team, drink a shot.
11. Every offensive penalty in the red zone, drink a shot.
12. Every time we get to Third and 30+ because of penalties, drink 3 shots.
13. Every time Muschamp is shown on TV yelling at a ref, drink a shot.
14. Drink a bonus shot if he looks like the average Florida football fan while yelling at the ref.... A poor, crazed, bug-eyed, red-faced dude who is massively pissed off at what is happening to his football team.
15. Every time a player gets arrested, drink.
15a. If that arrest was for drugs or guns, drink some more.
15b. If that attest was for domestic battery, stop drinking, at least for a few days. That shit is serious.
16. Every time a coach leaves, drink.
17. If that coach left with no other job offer, drink some more.
18. Every time a recruit backs out of his commitment, drink.
19. If he went to another SEC school, drink some more.
20. If he went to FSU or Miami, drink again.
21. Every time a player transfers, drink.
22. Drink some more.
23. Crap, you are still able to read this? You obviously need a drink!!
24. Goto number 23. Nerd.
25. Drink a shot for every extra DB we recruit.
26. Drink a shot for every skill position we are short on because of all the extra DB's
27. Drink a shot for every 5 star player that rides the pine
27a. Drink another shot if that player is a receiver.
27b. Drink another shot if we convert that receiver to DB.
28. Drink a shot for every 3 star and below kid we recruit. Drink an extra shot for every star below three a recruit has.
28a. Sorry for the math this far down the list, just drink 5 shots per recruit and call it done.
29. Chug a bottle for every 3 star or below who backs out of his commitment.
30. Drink one for poor Tim Tebow who has to cover this dumpster fire as a rookie TV...person? Whatever he is.
